Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Shift in Perception

I love to cook and eat and dine and snack and papoose cookbooks and delis and watch food shows and read food blogs and articles, talk about food, think about food...

I should have been chef.

There is something so satisfying and nourishing to me about the abundance of what mother nature gives to us every season.  And all the endless things we can do with boggles the mind.

Now an argument can be made that I am obsessive about who I just can't imagine.  Often times there is validity in arguments even if we don't want there to be.

What makes me think there is some truth in this argument, is that last summer, I spent the whole summer, (I kid you not), on the computer, gathering recipes and reading about different ingredients and with my nose in cookbooks...paroosing.

And then I ate my way through the summer...and the fall...and the winter...and the spring.

So here I am now...15...okay 20...okay 22...okay 25...OKAY 30lbs heavier than where I am comfortable.

 I haven't been 30lbs lighter since before the kids came along.  But since moving to Oregon 3 years ago, I have packed on 20lbs.

Now there are many things about this situation to be considered.  I don't like being heavy, it makes me slow and lethargic.  Nothing looks cute on me anymore...except muumuus, and let's be honest they aren't cute.. they just fit.  I love food, it makes me happy...except when I get on the scale.  (I don't actually get on the scale anymore, it makes me mad.)  But when I try on clothes let's say.  Food is one of the great joys of the world, it brings people together, it unifies.

Now I know that we are more than just our physical bodies.  I know without a doubt, that the outer shell is just that, an outer shell.  I know the scale is just numbers.  I know that what is on the inside is what really counts, I know it is in how I  live my life with and towards others that is the important thing.

But 20lbs...really?  Where the hell have I been?  Oh thats right...eating!

So this food obsession is a double edged sword.  I am elated and overjoyed with the bounty of mother nature, and held hostage by my total preoccupation with it.

I have no parables, no metaphors today because I haven't enough space of objectivity about this one.

I guess all I can say is that today I will eat more fruits and vegetables and less salami and french bread.

Maybe...let's just say I will think about it.

I will also think about this...NALII, my name, is Hawaiian.  I have heard that the name means one who speaks of authority. Maybe they really meant one who speaks of fettucini alfredo, but who knows.  My mother got the name from a line of Hawaiian joke.  Maybe I was meant for this fate.  Maybe muumuus are no laughing matter.

I bought these off of ebay a couple of years ago, they are considered vintage these days.
I bought them not to wear, but because they are my name sake.
The company is no longer in business, but if you ever get a chance to own a piece of Nalii wear... I say do it, even if it is a muumuu.

And this is what I chose to have for breakfast.  
Yes, there are goji berries in there.  
And YES, those are really organic blueberries from my own yard that I picked fresh this morning. 
No bacon and eggs for me today...healthy steel cut oats.
There will be plenty of time for bacon tomorrow.

Maybe I don't have to choose between food and cute clothes...maybe just shift and change my thinking around it.
Revolutionary...shift in perception.
I'm gonna give it a go.
Wish me luck.

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