I have been away a long, long time.
I didn't go anywhere, I simply wasn't here...in cyberspace.
I have been busy soaking up the last bits of summer and all the last moments with my kids before yet another year of school and football and soccer and violin and softball and baseball and bake sales and volunteer opportunities and lunches and dinners and snacks and dances and costumes and field trips and parent meetings begin.
It is fitting that I was away, metaphorically speaking, it was summer after all.
But now, especially here in my soggy little part of Oregon, Autumn has begun it's slow descent. School is starting back up and rhythm is setting in.
Although I will grow nostalgic for summer and bemuse it's slow retreat, I somehow love the way that Autumn comes in and soothes, slows down, calms and gives form to my life.
Like a nurturing mother who knows when her little one needs their rest from a long exciting day, Autumn comes in and tucks everyone in for the long winter to come.
Now if you live in Arizona, none of that applies. Autumn? What is this Autumn you speak of?
But if you live anywhere that the air has cooled, there are a few leaves loosing their chlorophyll, and sweaters and scarves are starting to entice...you can relate.
I take this time, my very favorite time of year, to do things like make jam, make green tomato salsa and put them up for a cold dark winter night when summer is a distant half dream and also a promise of things to come.
This is the time I take to deal with everything that I have been avoiding all summer while I was swimming, picking berries and playing cards with my kids.
I also take time to relish the quiet house, rhythm, order, and the coming depth of darkness and introspection this change of season offers.
I like dark nights, cold nights, cups of tea, reading a book, baking bread, like I said earlier...autumn nourishes. At least it does for me. It fortifies the soul so that we can make it through the winter.
This years pending autumn has been no less indicative of the 34 that I have already experienced. What has changed in these many years is...moi.
I am more centered, happier, more creative, less exhausted than autumns before this. Yet at the same time, I am more certain that I know nothing about anything. And I am totally okay with that, it is actually a relief.
This time around I am dealing with new things, formidable things, tragic things, messy things, and uncertain things.
I think we all are in our own ways. And I think I have always faced this sorts of issues and obstacles, they just look different this year, as they do every year.
The difference this time?...I am wise now. Not quite Yoda wise...but I am working on it.
The reason I feel so wise, is that for the first time in my life, I came to the realization that I can't change what the world hurls at me. I can only change what I do with it and how I react to it.
This may not be a revelation for any of you, but for me this is really big stuff.
So as the trees and the light change this fall, remember...
1. Summer will be back next year.
2. Soon apples will be coming into season and with them, apple pie. Yippee!
3. Count your blessings, because where ever you are in your life right now, you are infinitely better off than wherever Lidsay Lohan is. May the universe bless that lost soul.
4. It isn't what you are given or what you have that counts, it is what you do with what you have and what you are given that really makes a difference.
Go forth into the darkest depths of the soul or simply your junk draw and face it without fear, remorse, guilt, expectation, shoulds or shouldn'ts, have to's or intimidation.
Face it with shoulders back and smile on your face. Say to those deep dark depths...how shall we resolve this? And then proceed.
And then...go make a pie, or just eat one.