Wednesday, June 2, 2010

I just want to paint...

I haven't forgotten my blog.  I swear.  I have been a little busy saving the world one dirty dish and one load of laundry at a time.  It isn't easy work, and certainly not for the faint of heart.

I have  been painting.  I had a friend in town and we painted together.  This is the same friend that let me paint on her walls. I love to paint so much that I didn't want to do anything else.

I have an art show on Friday though...I am still preparing, but not done, not ready.  I don't really like to finish things, you may have heard already, but I just want to be clear so there are no expectations.  I don't like those either.

So I have been working on my felts too.  But what I really wanted to do is paint and drink coffee and eat danishes with my friend.  I think that is what she wanted to do too.  At least that is what her paintings were saying to me.  Oh...and that is what my paintings were saying to me.  Paint, eat, drink, paint, eat, drink.

Oh to live a responsibility free bohemian life...

But I have dishes.  I have laundry.  I have a shedding dog.   I have an art show.  I have a smelly fridge.  I have dirt on my floors.  My toilet is starting to grow pink algae.   I have weeds in the garden.  And the Beast came home sick from his 8th grade trip.

So, how do I do it all  you ask?  Well for 4 easy payments of $19.95 I will tell you how!

If only it were that easy.  If only I had the answers.  If only I had a maid.  If only I had a million dollars.  If only I had two sets of arms.  If only I were beautiful.  If only I were a little firmer.  If only I knew everything and did everything I ever wanted to do.  If only I knew what I was doing.

But I don't.  I only know how to do what feels right and do what is right in front of me.  One step at a time, like AA...Artists Anonymous.

My life is such that I can't really sit down to do something for a couple of hours without interruption.  First, I have kids.  Second, I have a dog.  Third, my husband works from home.  Forth, laundry, phone calls, dishes, floors, half eaten snakes in the basement, cat throw up, blueberry muffins in the oven, dinner, breakfast, lunch.

Alas, I am not perfect.  I don't know every thing.  And I can't do everything.  It is something I have had to learn to accept.   I am just doing the best that I can  on most days, sometimes not even that.  Some days I do only what I have to do to make sure nothing stinks, and sometimes not even that.

Let's hope someday I get to paint all day.  Let's hope someday you get to paint all day, or ski, or shop, or cross stitch, or sudoku or rebuild an engine.  Without interruption, without to do lists. But with total joy and freedom.

Let me know what it is like.  If it happens for me, you will be the first to know.

And pray for me...because I just want to paint.  And eat.

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