I have been married for fourteen years...and counting.
It is a challenge to bring two lives together under one roof and try to make it work.
Is love enough?
Good lord not in my book!
Love is just a piece of the puzzle. There are things like compromise, sacrifice, listening, communicating, forgiving, give and take, trust, equality, respect, commitment...I could go on and on about what it takes to make a marriage work. And mind you I certainly don't have all the answers or even any of them. I just stumble along like the rest of you, thinking to myself all the time...how in the hell did I get here? Who are these people, what are they doing here, and why are they eating all my food, while yelling and making all this dirty laundry?
I really think that in a relationship, including marriage, so much of how we feel about it is how we feel about ourselves. At least that is how it works for me. When my marriage has gone through (cough, cough) rough spots, I had to take a good long look at myself before I could even begin to communicate in a positive way with the old ball and chain. I communicate in a negative way with ease. It is the positive stuff I struggle with.
Oh...and want to know how to put more pressure on your relationship with your spouse? Have kids. I have two of them. Keep in mind I did things a bit backwards...I had a baby with some guy, got pregnant again with the same dude, and then married him.
But for some crazy reason, it worked. And it is still working. In spite of all the things that the universe has thrown at us. It isn't perfect...not by any stretch of the imagination. I am sure we could benifit from a session with Dr. Phil.
Marcus and I couldn't be more different. We came for two very different backgrounds, with two very differnet upbringings. But I like him, not all the time, especially when the house is messy, but that isn't always his fault. I enjoy him, not when he pisses me off, but all the other times. I really do, I like him. We are friends. We laugh all the time. And we yell all the time. It's like what I would imagine an old world italian home would be like.
Marcus is strong in all the places I am not. He is understanding of all my short comings. He thinks I am funny. He thinks I am talented. I think he is good at math. I think he is logical when I am overwhelmed and flighty. He builds stuff with a hammer. He loves the kids. He is unconditionally supportive of all my endeavors, but tells me when he thinks I'm acting crazy. He is good in medical emergencies. He likes my cooking. He thinks I'm pretty. And he never says that I look fat, no matter what I am wearing.
I am sure he has a list of grievances about me, and I keep mine in my back pocket all the times for quick reference.
But we are really good friends, we didn't have long to be friends before the babies started rolling out, but we honestly enjoy each other as human beings. Not just partners, parents, or friends, but as human beings.
Oh...and he keeps paying the bills.
I don't know if I have a soulmate, but if I do and it isn't Marcus, I don't want to know. And if I do and he is it, I have done at least on thing right in my life.
What brought this all on?
I found these. They are the epitome of what we brought into this partnership.
And how we handle it all.
Celebrate your unions, good, bad...they help make us who we are.
So...here's to partnership!
And heres to all people being able celebrate their partnership however they wish!